June 2, 2013

Intensely Intense

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 8:32 pm by Debbie

A coworker of mine went to heaven last week. Cancer won another battle. He was twenty-six years old – the same age as my son. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart.

I have read several articles and blogs about the intensity of general emotions after experiencing profound lose. I read them, but never gave pause to the possibility that I might experience the same thing. I’m the strong one. The one who can handle all of this. The one who knows how to move on. The one who has her emotions under control. Yeah, right.

That might be true on the outside. The inside is a different story. By the way, on the off chance that you’re thinking I was a crass witch before Dave died, understand that I have always been sensitive and empathetic. But never in a crippling manner. And never so intensely so.

While on the way to drop off food for the grieving family, I cried like a baby. When I got there, I could hardly talk. My voice cracked as I attempted to offer consoling words. The day of the funeral I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go until the second I started my car. On my way to work that morning, I nearly hyperventilated and had to pull over to catch my breath. And a solid night’s sleep evaded me for almost a week.

Yep. Its real. Intensely intense emotions. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear someone slipped me a this-magnifies-emotions-by-tens-of-thousands pill. Eventually my calm, sane, don’t-be-selfish side won over. Emotions back to a controllable state. And now I’m just terribly sad that cancer won another battle and the world lost another one of the good guys. Meanwhile, if you all could do me a favor and not get sick (or worse) any time soon, I’d greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

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